Turn Down the Lights…Please!

Can one proceed from a position of not being physically attracted to someone and dare be intimate with them because they have a charming personality? As humans, we tend to demonstrate higher levels of thinking yet it’s safe to say that most people are driven by carnal nature. It remains a mystery to me how one can be drawn to another intellectually but not have the physical chemistry to match. Is it something that develops over time? If so, how long does it take?

As a person who takes pride in my levels of fitness and appearance, it’s important to know that when disrobing, I elicit the desired response from my partner. At no point could I be open-minded enough to date or sleep with an overweight person. A friend of mine recently bedded a chubster and I had some serious questions. How could you? What were you thinking? Who were you thinking about? Why on earth would you? Was it pity sex? Were you sick with fever? I understand being attracted to someone who stimulates you through written words and conversation but one can compartmentalize those friendships.

There’s someone for everyone. I say it time and time again and most people tend to stay in their own lane. The pretty people typically partner up unless there is an economic benefit to dating an average or less than average looker. Male or female, if wealth is involved, one doesn’t mind making the sacrifice. As for the unbalanced relationships, how does one not feel uncomfortable when in the public eye? My brave friend was very aware of the stares and was focused on easing the mind of the date. That’s too much work!! Sexual chemistry and energy don’t happen often but when they do, it’s powerful. If you find yourself falling for a decent conversationalist, who’s grossly overweight, would it be terribly rude to ask them to ‘turn down the lights’ or as Eddie Murphy stated in Boomerang, “can you get it just a little darker?”.

I can’t think of a designer who has manufactured lingerie or sexy briefs that mask the largeness. They don’t exist and Spanx does NOT count!! La Perla subtly tells you that if you are larger than a 12-14, this brand is not for you. Agent Provocateur indicates that their “products are designed to make you look and feel fabulous” and note the size guide stops at 10-12. Pay attention to the alerts. Certain designers have pushed the envelope by including plus-size models in ads and runway shows. Who are they kidding? Get to the nearest gym and shed those pounds. If you have to suck in your gut or position yourself in bed to hide any potential spillage, that is a problem.

As for my friend, the intimate encounter was a one-off and the discussions started to steer towards meal reduction and exercise plans. Red flag! Try to find someone who you’re equally yoked with and save yourself the hassle.

Now that’s dripping sexy…

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