The new year is here and dramatic, sweeping changes are promised for all that ails us. Last night at the masquerade party, I sat and watched people coupled up and I had a nagging feeling in my belly. Is being with someone worth the drama and heartache just to avoid being alone? There were platonic friends, friends who wanted to be more than friends, couples with knees touching, couples on opposite ends of the room…I fell nowhere on the spectrum because I was alone for the very first time…like EVER!!
I did a brilliant job of hiding behind my mask and proceeded to get lost in my thoughts about dating, so here goes:
1. Chivalry should not be dead. Whether it’s a chair, the door, my coat, or the last piece of red velvet cake…being a ‘gentleperson’ is duly noted.
2. Flowers are appreciated. I love white roses and being surprised with them but this is where it can get tricky, early on, especially if I didn’t tell you where I work. Bringing flowers on a date always set the right tone.
3. Kissing, even a quick peck, can potentially bring on hives and I don’t even suffer from this. After dating someone who gave me butterflies with each kiss and mastering the small kisses to the intense ones that resulted in fun times, don’t assume my unwillingness to lip tango is about you. My thoughts might range from ‘when do we kiss?’ to ‘what if I want to wait a LONG TIME?’ It’s not you, it’s me. Kissing is a way to connect and communicate and I don’t want you to misinterpret my message.
4. Children can be amusing. Mine border on absurdly amusing and you might not find much humor in all that they say and do. Understand that I am the parent and I’m not seeking advice or a co-parent. If you are ever introduced to my children, be warm and sincere. They will definitely detect if you are trying too hard. Please note that it will be an instant deal breaker if you ever refer to my kids as baggage and not part of the beautifully wrapped package. If we are dating, you more than likely don’t have children so we will focus on mine.
5. Romance can get things sizzling and keep the fire going. Allow me to cook for you but if you notice that I’m exhausted, dinner out is a great idea. Let’s curl up and watch episodes of Coronation Street on Hulu and make turkey wraps from all the fixings in the fridge. Treat me to a bedtime story. Let’s grab tea and read the paper. Don’t feel the need to fill the silence. It’s golden and can be perfect… with the right company.
6. Sex will seal the deal. I am not looking for a hookup and I don’t wish to be a notch on the MILF belt. You’re not coming to my house and I am not jumping in your bed. That leaves us with many splendid hotel options but it also presents other variables too. Just because we slept together doesn’t mean that we need to sleep together. Cuddling? Early morning sex? Breakfast together? Too much pressure!! Let’s establish a safe word to allow one of us to leave especially if the sex wasn’t enjoyable. Again, it’s me…not you.
My time, as yours, is precious and I don’t want to waste it. The idea of dipping my manicured toe in the dating pool is frightening. Be a friend. That’s ultimately what we both want and seek. I know there are people who will embrace me and my children without hesitation and see us a blessing. Be patient. I’m understanding my needs as a woman and I will learn yours as a companion. Listen to me vent and I hope that you share your highs and lows too. Allow me the snapshot of your day while apart from one another. Don’t try to tame me. I’m not a wild horse or a bucking bronco. You are attracted to me as I am so sit back and relax. If there is passion and chemistry, feed it with goodness. There’s so much to do, things to conquer, and experiences to be had. Open your mind, allow me to free mine, grab my hand and let’s go!
Now that’s dripping sexy…