Roles in lesbian relationships are a tricky thing to maneuver when two alpha chicas join forces. As an assertive woman whose Type A personality and OCD ways compel me to lead and take charge, it’s hard dating a soft butch who wants to dominate. First off, let me insert here (pun definitely intended), that leadership within a relationship is earned, whether male or female, and it isn’t something that is handed over in a union just because one displays more masculine tendencies. Domination is best served in the bedroom on a tray with whips, handcuffs, and stilettos so if you’re consistently handling business, I will let go (a little) and feel confident that life won’t fall apart.
Women are strange creatures and each brings a varying dynamic to the table. Two lipstick lesbians can blend in, be girly-girl and remain under the radar even with public displays of affection. Two bisexual women can also be cloaked with sexual anonymity because they usually do the dance between both sexes with the perfect pas de deux. And studs coupled with femmes tend to tango seamlessly because the roles are obviously pronounced. So, where does a dainty powerhouse like me fall on the lesbian scale and who is best suited as my partner?
As an executive woman in a male dominated, quasi-military organization, I am used to calling a few shots. As the CEO of my household with three minions in the crew, I keep order like a decorated general. On the other hand, in my relationship, I want to lead and yet fall into the safe arms of another but it requires someone who is comfortable in their skin. If I take your hand and escort you across the room, it shouldn’t shatter egos and levels of confidence. I simply know the way, so follow me. If I occasionally order for you at the restaurant, it’s because I’m greeted first and I know what you like. Allow me to walk up behind you and embrace you. Just go with it…I’m certainly not trying to be a man or mannish…especially with these double D implants!! Do I prefer that MY chair be pulled out, doors opened and you walk on the outside of me? Yes, yes, and yes!! In the spirit of traditional roles (which for me is loosely organic), I can’t imagine myself EVER pulling out a chair for someone I’m sleeping with, I will stand at the door until you open it, and I pay very close attention to where you walk when side by side.
As I mentally twist and bend relationship norms, I can’t help but think I’m going to be alone for a long time and let me tell you why…I am not trying to assume a domesticated or subservient role for anyone. Yes, I have thought about being a geisha but that’s role playing! If I’m dating you, you’re the more masculine of the two of us (I just can’t do girly-girls), so you should want to see me at my personal best and cleaning bathrooms and scrubbing floors will ruin my manicure. I’m going to need you to take charge and delegate that duty…STAT! I am also not a fan of rushing home to cook the bacon (turkey, of course) after I worked all day earning the cheddar, so please don’t expect me to or you’ll be sadly disappointed. Now, I will, on occasion, greet you at the door with nothing on but an apron and stilettos. And this one really chaps my hide (I simply adore all the sexual undertones) – why can’t I ever have the last bite of a meal or the bigger piece of the two? Why does the masculine energy think they have an inherent claim to it? You aren’t a hunter or a gatherer so the extra calories aren’t necessary.
At this point in my life, I will not defer to or negotiate positions (unless in the boudoir). I need you to be open-minded and fluid enough to enjoy what the relationship brings to our lives. If I share time with my male friends, gay or straight, that doesn’t mean my sexual desires are redirected. Yes, you and I are probably close to being BFF, but I need personal time to myself, just as you do.
Know that from 9 to 5, I’m cold as steel on the exterior but it feels damn good to be taken care of physically, sexually, and emotionally when I walk through that door. It also feels good, when behind closed doors, you allow me the pleasure of pushing you down and asking ‘whose is it?’ so go with the flow and let me have my way with you.
Now that’s dripping sexy…