Dating has its own behavioral codes, its own unwritten rules about how things should be done. Infuse seeing someone more than 15 years your junior and a lot of no-no’s are met.

Although one becomes a bit carefree when venturing into this erotic sub-culture of May/December romance, much discretion is expected and any transgression will get you ousted from the club. When dating someone considerably younger, there’s a delicate dance that is executed but not always perfectly done. The constant en pointe and referencing of years between the two make it difficult to let one’s guard down because there’s an internal battle of mentor, mother and lover. Rather perverse. Extremely arousing. Mentally exhausting.

Being the lusted object of a young one’s desires is almost parallel to having been selected as centerfold material – Playboy, of course. But when life is artistically sketched on the body, a woman typically seeks refuge and comfort in a mate more suitable to her age because there’s a camaraderie, an understanding that life has told a story and my body was the canvas. Yes, I took care of it like a Lamborghini Veneno but new models come out annually. One day the Universe will bring me someone who appreciates the labor and the interior and exterior craftsmanship.

When coupled with a younger person, the point of relaxation takes forever, if ever, to set in – especially when their eyes and hands wander elsewhere. Dealbreakers start to surface and it becomes less chic to have a cub on your arm. Every indication of the aging process is magnified and pondered in ways that would have otherwise gone unnoticed. especially if they boldly remind you that you’re getting up there in dog years.

It’s a different dynamic when paired up with someone your age and wondering if another, any other, woman will catch that mate’s eye versus sleeping with a person that is close in age to your own children. The world is unfiltered to them, so fresh and undiscovered. Your stories and Louis Vuitton baggage are a burden and unwelcome but most importantly, not understood.

As the reminders of life stare back at us each day in the mirror, who we are becomes a hell of a lot more important than what we see. Find a partner who will see the beauty in you when looking in your eyes. Although we can maintain, fine tune, and refurbish the outer shell like a classic auto, it takes constant work and it’s tiring so snuggle up to someone who won’t point out the parts that need to overhauled and brought in for maintenance work.

When someone looks at you, deep within your soul, every wrinkle is memorized and every stretch mark is known, if that person thinks the sun rises and sets with you, they are a keeper.

Now that’s dripping sexy…

Being in a relationship is not all that it’s cracked up to be. They aren’t supposed to be a lot of work although that’s the response one partner gives for wanting to remain in a toxic union. Who wants to work on a relationship and self simultaneously every single day? It’s emotionally draining and changes the way you see a person. If one lacks to see the beauty in small things, forces a person to live in their past, exhibits abusive behaviors, and blames all the wrongs in the world on you, it’s time to stroll the catwalk of life as a single chica. It takes a lot of guts to share your unhappiness while in an established relationship especially when the desire to create a certain life isn’t agreed upon.

Don’t despair or settle. There are some benefits to being solo and writing a new chapter:

1. You get to be selfish. No thinking about spending time with anyone other than your children, the gym, work, and social events with friends. If you’re exhausted, it’s ok. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for not wanting to talk on the phone all night long or not answering text messages.

2. You’re free to be yourself…every day!! No one is around to remind you of how you used to be especially when you’re working on tweaking a few bad habits. Some people are opposed to change so don’t let them bring you down.

3. You get to be the social butterfly that you’ve always been without someone accusing you of flirting with every thing that breathes. Be around the people who love you and make you a better person. Socialites are social. Enough said!

4. You can get your financial and emotional houses in order without explaining a damn thing to anyone.

5. You can explore all your wildest fantasies without judgment or having to share any of them. If I want to see a movie solo, I can. If I want to take a trip, I will. My bucket list is strictly for me to check off. I am not obligated to have someone join me unless I want to enjoy their company. No one has the right to edit your story. EVER!!

6. You don’t have to explain any adjustments in your career goals, wanting to return to school for your third degree, competing in a fitness competition, or spending time with your kids. Really? You don’t have to invite someone to exercise with you, shop with you, bring them along to visit with your friends, or attend networking events.

7. You don’t have to perform sexual acts when you frankly just don’t want to. If I am not aroused or in the mood, it’s going to be a night with Coronation Street and my comfy pj’s. My libido does not have to match yours and I am ok with that. Plain and simple.

8. Bottom line – you get to nurture yourself, invest in your dreams, live with integrity, and do what you love. No explanation necessary.

Now that’s dripping sexy…

The new year is here and dramatic, sweeping changes are promised for all that ails us.  Last night at the masquerade party, I sat and watched people coupled up and I had a nagging feeling in my belly. Is being with someone worth the drama and heartache just to avoid being alone? There were platonic friends, friends who wanted to be more than friends, couples with knees touching, couples on opposite ends of the room…I fell nowhere on the spectrum because I was alone for the very first time…like EVER!!

I did a brilliant job of hiding behind my mask and proceeded to get lost in my thoughts about dating, so here goes:

1. Chivalry should not be dead. Whether it’s a chair, the door, my coat, or the last piece of red velvet cake…being a ‘gentleperson’ is duly noted.

2. Flowers are appreciated. I love white roses and being surprised with them but this is where it can get tricky, early on, especially if I didn’t tell you where I work. Bringing flowers on a date always set the right tone.

3. Kissing, even a quick peck, can potentially bring on hives and I don’t even suffer from this. After dating someone who gave me butterflies with each kiss and mastering the small kisses to the intense ones that resulted in fun times, don’t assume my unwillingness to lip tango is about you. My thoughts might range from ‘when do we kiss?’ to ‘what if I want to wait a LONG TIME?’ It’s not you, it’s me. Kissing is a way to connect and communicate and I don’t want you to misinterpret my message.

4. Children can be amusing. Mine border on absurdly amusing and you might not find much humor in all that they say and do. Understand that I am the parent and I’m not seeking advice or a co-parent. If you are ever introduced to my children, be warm and sincere. They will definitely detect if you are trying too hard. Please note that it will be an instant deal breaker if you ever refer to my kids as baggage and not part of the beautifully wrapped package. If we are dating, you more than likely don’t have children so we will focus on mine.

5. Romance can get things sizzling and keep the fire going. Allow me to cook for you but if you notice that I’m exhausted, dinner out is a great idea. Let’s curl up and watch episodes of Coronation Street on Hulu and make turkey wraps from all the fixings in the fridge. Treat me to a bedtime story. Let’s grab tea and read the paper. Don’t feel the need to fill the silence. It’s golden and can be perfect… with the right company.

6. Sex will seal the deal. I am not looking for a hookup and I don’t wish to be a notch on the MILF belt. You’re not coming to my house and I am not jumping in your bed. That leaves us with many splendid hotel options but it also presents other variables too. Just because we slept together doesn’t mean that we need to sleep together. Cuddling? Early morning sex? Breakfast together? Too much pressure!! Let’s establish a safe word to allow one of us to leave especially if the sex wasn’t enjoyable. Again, it’s me…not you.

My time, as yours, is precious and I don’t want to waste it. The idea of dipping my manicured toe in the dating pool is frightening. Be a friend. That’s ultimately what we both want and seek. I know there are people who will embrace me and my children without hesitation and see us a blessing. Be patient. I’m understanding my needs as a woman and I will learn yours as a companion. Listen to me vent and I hope that you share your highs and lows too. Allow me the snapshot of your day while apart from one another. Don’t try to tame me. I’m not a wild horse or a bucking bronco. You are attracted to me as I am so sit back and relax. If there is passion and chemistry, feed it with goodness. There’s so much to do, things to conquer, and experiences to be had. Open your mind, allow me to free mine, grab my hand and let’s go!

Now that’s dripping sexy…